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This is One Thing, a column with tips on how to live.
No one told me that you actually have more parties as an adult than you do as a kid. There’s a party for everything: dinner parties, holiday parties, office parties, birthday parties, watch parties for hot television shows, random costume parties, wedding parties, I-don’t-really-know-why-we’re-even-having-this-party parties, and, if Charli XCX’s coining of the Party 4 U party is anything to go by, we’re inventing even more.
But the increasing number of parties, though tiring, isn’t my problem. My issue is names. I don’t know if my executive functioning skills are dwindling given the state of the world lately or if I’m just getting older, but nowadays, I won’t forget a face, but I will forget a name. In fact, it feels almost destined. At these gatherings, my web of “I met you at that thing last summer, right?” people just continues to grow ever larger. In order to remember a name, I have to repeat it multiple times within a first encounter, which is hard to do while sounding natural. And, even then, if there’s a year in between the last time we met and our meeting now—like if you’re someone I only see at my colleague’s annual birthday party—the chance of me having repurposed the neurons that used to hold your name within the past 12 months is startlingly high.
Thankfully, last year, when I had two holiday parties to attend in one night, someone brought up the perfect solution: name tags.
How beautiful would it be if we … just did name tags? Why don’t we include them as essential party wear? I’m here to say they need not be relegated to gatherings of children and annoying workplace icebreaker snorefests! This is something everyone would benefit from—I know because I’m not only the forgetful but the forgotten. If we had a place where people could put their names out on display on their bodies—and we do have this technology!—that would totally save us from that awkward moment where you’ve been talking to someone for 10 minutes straight but realize you do not know the most fundamental aspect of their identity.
Name tags don’t have to be boring! You don’t have to just write your name and some pesky “Ask Me About” bullet points or fun facts. This isn’t an academic seminar. Think of them, like I do, as a fun craft or group activity! Why not set up a little tag decorating station at your soirée, filled with stickers, glitter pens, and colored markers galore, where people can zhuzh up their labels to be creative and fully represent themselves? Or a World Cup watch party with colored name tags to choose from depending on which team your guests are supporting.
You can even make them topical for themed events! One of my dreams is to throw a party after having finally watched Sex and the City wherein I would make name cards themed after each of the main characters, forcing invitees to choose whether they’re a Samantha or a Carrie (which would be listed beneath their real names, of course). Not only would this help with atmosphere and socializing, but it would also give your less social friends something to talk about that isn’t as hackneyed as a “fun fact.”
However you go about it, let’s all, as socially conscious adults, take advantage of the brilliance of the name tag—fun ones!—at our mixers. And give our poor brains one less thing to worry about.